What Passes For Locust In Miami

What if the presence of so many obnoxious New Yorkers [Northeasterners really] in our community is not just the result of an aging population seeking warmer climates? For wisdom, we turn to the Word, Exodus 10:13-15

And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.

For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.

Thursday morning I saw pictures in the local papers of the next non-interim manager of the Florida Marlins. The clothing he was wearing openly, complete with a cap, was the costume of a professional New York baseball team. The stinking Mets. I felt physically ill.

Our future Marlins manager decked out in the garb of the gonads-less Mets! The choking-dog of a franchise that the Fredi Gonzalez led Marlins had the pleasure of knocking out of playoff contention in two consecutive seasons. In domestic abuse terms, those seasons, the glorious years of 2007 and 2008, ended with the Marlins grasping the Mets by the loose skin at the back of their necks and dragging them in a casually destructive manner through their home and tossing them dismissively out their own front door as though they were playing horseshoes in a zero-gravity environment [thankfully, they landed on jagged rocks infected with MRSA].

There are few pleasures in sports which can match watching a truly hated opponent suffer gut-wrenching loses. The agony on the face of Met fans at the final game in Shea stadium is something that I still draw strength from in difficult times. The thought that Bret Farve’s last pass for three consecutive seasons have been throws which he either reacted stupidly or cowardly and cost his teams playoff games or a chance to make the playoffs, still brings a tear now and then.

But still, … a future Marlins manager pictured while covered in feces? Physical illness soon led to depression. What if the presence of so many Northeasterners in Miami represents some type of Biblical punishment? What if the sins of Henry Flagler and Julia Tuttle are now having sporting repercussions? Parcells [Jersey], Riley [Schenectady], Loria & Samson [Joffrey Ballet]; to paraphrase Philip Bosco in The Pope of Greenwich Village [we do irony too here at 2TG], ‘we’re surrounded!’ Depression deepens.

What if the wretched Northeasterners represent only half of the swarm of locusts? Wait a minute, what if … those of us … from parts … south of Miami, represent the other half of the swarm cursing Miami? I scream out with a Roddy McDowall Twilight Zone like anguish, ‘I am not a locust!,’ even as I double-check limbs.

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Dishonest Florida Marlins Management

Jeffrey Loria makes Nick Saban look like an amateur. See Saban — who has an uncanny resemblance to a screeching, squealing, rapacious swamp sow when his lies are played on videotape — lied when cornered [see Tim Graham’s post]. Loria lies as if the Marlins revenue sharing monies were dependent on the absurdity of his public comments.

Part of the fun of being an owner should be that you don’t have to lie so blatantly about why you want to change your manager. But Loria approaches telling the truth as a kind of beguiling vice, cautious that it might be habit forming. Forbes has well documented his lies about the financial performance of the Florida Marlins, which I have converted into basic financial statements. But those lies are obvious. It’s what MLB and their owners do, especially those on the receiving end of revenue sharing monies.

Telling such obvious lies about why you want to replace your respected Cuban-born manager prior to relocating your franchise into a predominantly Cuban-American community is different. It’s more revealing. Their intentions have been public since last October.

The Marlins project, look and play like a .500 team. They are 2 games under .500 seventy games into the 2010 season. Loria on why he fired Fredi Gonzalez in the Sun-Sentinel:

“It is never easy to make a change in managers. Fredi has been with our club for four years. We have become close, and I am extremely fond of Fredi. I, along with all our fans, am grateful for Fredi’s contributions. At the same time, we can’t let personal feelings get in the way of taking steps that we believe are necessary to improve our ballclub.

“Decisions on individual personnel cannot supersede our overall goal, which is to win. We believe we can do better and be better. We owe it to our fans to put this team in the best possible position to win. Everyone knows how I feel about winning. That’s the reason we’re making this change. We still have a very long season in front of us, and plenty of time to turn things around. Everyone, our fans, our team, our organization, and myself wants us to win. That continues to be, and will always be, the goal.”

No one believes that is the truth. Just like no one believes that the reason Forbes considers the Marlins so profitable is because, “Forbes assumes that player expenses are the Marlins only expenses,” my favorite example of David Samson’s efforts at dissembling.

All this for a 60 year old New York Mets managerial retread? Bobby Valentine last managed the Mets to a 5th place finish in 2002. I guess Don Zimmer isn’t available. No, I know, he’s just not New York enough for South Florida. How about we think outside the box — outside the Boroughs? — for once. Why limit our managerial retreads to MLB? Can’t we add Bill Fitch and Mike Fratelo to the interview process?

Montreal Expo fans reading about Loria’s latest move must feel like SEC investigators trying to warn people about Bernie Madoff way back in 2007. Jeffrey Loria, to paraphrase Miguel Angel (Cordero) Gonzalez, has much cash [for Yale, not middle relievers], but little class.

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